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October 14, 2012
You Don’t Want to Raise a People Pleaser
Many children grow up in homes where parents react with explosive anger. These children learn to make decisions based on avoiding the next angry outburst. Unfortunately they then may grow up to be people pleasers.
Anger appears to work in the short run. It gets kids moving or motivates them to stop and listen. But in the end, it damages a child’s decision-making ability.
Instead of becoming people pleasers, children need to learn how to make decisions based on values and convictions. How do children learn to do that? It comes when parents discipline with firmness and love. But many parents are unsure what that means in practical terms.
What parents need is a plan. Developing consequences that touch a child’s heart is a challenge but the extra time invested pays off. Parenting is hard work and a plan keeps a mom or dad on track. We find that many parents who don’t have a plan resort to anger as a primary consequence.
Anger may come naturally, but we aren’t parenting just for convenience. At least we shouldn’t be. We’re parenting for the long term. When you take the extra time to develop a plan for real heart change, children grow up with the tools they need to be successful in life.
Take some extra time and look for proactive ways to develop character in your children. It will change your children and it will change you. No longer will you have to resort to anger to get things done. Now you have a plan that will mold and guide your children both now and for the future.
For more information about developing an Action Plan for your children read the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.